Prometheus: this is what happens when idiots get into space

Posted by & filed under Misc, Reviews.


As many other sci-fi fans, I went to see the Prometheus. That “Non-Alien” Alien movie. Which is like a prequel but not quite, because writing clear prequel was too boring, so there. And I have to say I am both pleasantly and unpleasantly surprised. Pleasant surprise — visuals. These days nobody is afraid of the guy in a rubber suit, and even edge of the first Alien is a bit dull (perhaps due to video transfer, or something else, or audience is somewhat jaded with all the high-quality photorealistic horror on the screen). And in Prometheus visuals are taken to the whole new level. Industrial design, holographic screens, even space-suits with obligatory “light up the chin to add spookieness” elements were fantastic.
Unfortunately, everything else goes down-hill pretty quickly. Essentially, this is what happens when idiots get to venture into space under a pretense of “meeting the makers”. Yes, science fiction requires you forget about little inconvenient details but here the whole plot has those little details screaming at you left and right.
Unless original movie was about three times as long and a huge amount of story got left out in the cutting room’s hard drive somewhere…
Without giving out much plot (did I just say “plot”? When “Lost” guy is involved? A-ha-ha-ha. But you might still want to stop reading right now), here’s the list of the major gripes:

– The very first scene is pointless, pretty landscape aside.
– David’s behavior is very inconsistent. I guess they were going for “creepy childhood-like innocence” angle, but got something that makes me think of malfunction or “programmed for something they didn’t tell us” thing instead (I don’t expect three-laws-safe but still).
– Dream-reading sequence is interesting, but doesn’t lead anywhere
– Not a single scientist thinks about biological contaminations. Ever. I bet they were drinking out of puddles back on earth because it looked like water too, right?
– First contact protocols be damned in general. I am grumpy if woken up unexpectedly, what would you expect from some mighty (and potentially evil) alien?
– Weyland industries spent “trillions of dollars” for the mission and got a high-school drop-out of a biologist? Really? After jumping at every noise and acting scared he goes all “coochie-coochie-coo little snakey”? WTF?
– What the heck happened to the geologist? Some sort of a mutant angle I’ve missed?
– Why did they choose Guy Pearce for that role? Was there a giant piece of story cut out?
– In order to grow from small to gi-fraking-normous things generally need to eat something.
– For goodness’ sake, when running away from round tire-like object do not run along the path. At least go diagonally, if running to the side is out of the question.
– Where the heck is the battery 🙂

That should do it for now. Otherwise, please turn off your brain and enjoy pretty pictures.

One Response to “Prometheus: this is what happens when idiots get into space”

  1. Dan

    Spot on. This film was a visual feast. It’s also a few great set pieces linked together by a piss-poor plot and some very questionable dialogue and characterisation. Points: everyone on the ship is either an idiot or highly-unlikeable (ex. the mapmaker gets lost, the biologist doesn’t know basic safety procedures for encountering new flora/fauna, the captain goes to bed without leaving anyone on watch to monitor the two guys trapped in the dig site, the male archaeologist immeadiately turns drunken douchebag when things don’t meet his expectations – I wouldn’t have minded that last one if he’d been given some decent characterisation but he wasn’t).

    Good bits: reanimated head, squid baby-ectomy, super facehugger, that shifting giger mural in the tomb/weapons dump – actually, I loved the gigery feel of the film. The alien base was suitably alien and the biomechanical suits and technology were awesome. But again, that shows my point it was a few good (looking) bits strung together. You’ll notice I didn’t list any of the characters in there which I was going to stick to but I have to say Fassbender’s android was nicely realised. I get what you mean about his tone being inconsistent but I like to think it’s because he’s inhuman. It’s the uncanny valley as applied to a human-seeming personality.

    Basically, this film is a multimillion dollar example that you can’t polish a turd but you can roll it in glitter. Lots of cgi glitter.


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